Miss Manners: Yes, I’m still alive. Please stop ‘checking in.’

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in New York, and am lucky to have many friends concerned for me during the pandemic (particularly from my home country, which is far less affected).

Judith Martin

I say “lucky,” but initially, I was drowning in their concern.

At one stage, I received messages from people I hadn’t heard from for years, and requests for video calls from morning to night, which I was unable to keep up with. At the same time, countless “buddy check” text groups sprung up, with each social group requiring a check-in.

I’m still working, plus many of my friends are at home and contacting me at awkward hours. Over time, I’ve been able to gently convince some to back off — reminding them that I’m well, happy, still employed, have a safe home, and am an introvert who likes isolation.

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After spending my whole workday on video calls, this introvert really just needs some quiet time, and I don’t want to blog every day. However, if some extroverted acquaintances don’t see a social media post from me, they’ll send multiple messages asking if I’m OK and attempt to call. I set my phone to do-not-disturb after 7 p.m. so that I don’t hear the calls. They immediately text an “RU OK?”

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However well meant, it feels really intrusive. I’m not sure what to do, short of simply ignoring these people entirely — which feels very rude.

The truth is, I have a really well-developed support network and we look after each other. The presumption that these acquaintances need to do a personal “proof of life” check on me every few days seems absurd.

I’ve asked other friends here in NYC, and they’re experiencing similar frustration with people back

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle


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