Ask Amy: We found out our college girl has an inappropriate boyfriend

Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)

DEAR AMY: Our daughter, a college freshman, had a very limited social life in high school. She was well-liked in school, but on weekends, perhaps because she didn’t drink or smoke, she was mostly at home (but not unhappy).

At the end of senior year, she met a boy and started dating. She was going out and having fun. Still not “partying,” though.

He was a nice boy but not wildly ambitious. We remained neutrally supportive, knowing that she was going away to school. He works retail jobs, lives at home and is now smoking pot.

Meanwhile we found out (through a glitch in the family iMessage) that she’s seeing a guy in her college town. He’s not in college but works in a sandwich shop.

We don’t know what to do. On the one hand we feel stupidly old-fashioned and classist; on the other we feel our smart, charming daughter deserves better.

Is there a way to talk to her about this? Or should we keep faith in her and let things take their course?

New Old-Fashioned Dad

DEAR DAD: Yes, you are reacting to this relationship in a way that is old-fashioned and classist. The idea, for instance, that someone is not “good enough” because he is working — versus going to your daughter’s college — is patently ridiculous. He could be taking a gap year to care for an ill family member. He could be working at a sandwich shop until he can afford to pay for his own education. Or he might be an underachiever who has fantastic taste in women.

This relationship has nothing to do with you, until your daughter chooses to disclose it to you. Having a variety of relationships will be an important part of your daughter’s education. She must be “allowed” to explore and experience. And yes, you should definitely retain an attitude of supportive neutrality.

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have season tickets to our local symphony. Before the start of each concert, audience members are asked to silence all cellphones and to not record any part of the performance.

During the last two concerts we attended, we’ve sat behind several people who have whipped out phones and recorded the concert.

Last time, one couple, besides recording, had rather loud conversations and proceeded to take “selfies” (in the dark). We were not the only people disturbed by this.

I do know that recording the performance

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle


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