Carolyn Hax: She moved here to be with us but won’t see us

DEAR CAROLYN: I have this friend who lives close but I haven’t seen in months. No one in our group of friends has seen her recently. Every time we make plans, she cancels, saying she is too sad or has been crying all day.

I’m really worried. She moved here more than a year ago to be closer to people she knows but has been unable to get out of the apartment consistently. We live in a big city, there’s lots to do. But it all seems to scare her.

I’ve mentioned therapy but she doesn’t want to go. And I don’t know how hard to push her to see a professional. I don’t know whether to just drop by her place and say hi, or if she is looking for me to insist she come out when she cancels.

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Sometimes I think maybe I’m being dense and she is ghosting me, but our other friends are having the same experience. What is the best way to help her?


DEAR FRIENDS: She sounds dangerously depressed. If her family isn’t part of the problem, then please tip them off as soon as possible to what you’ve experienced with her lately.

Also, yes, drop by her apartment. Be prepared to be rebuffed — but also be prepared to make an appointment for her to get medical attention, and to take her to that appointment yourself. An internist or general practitioner is often more accessible than a therapist, so start there if that’s what it comes to. Depression can be paralyzing and sometimes it takes someone willing to walk her to a source of help, literally.

And: Rally your group of friends to reach out to her in a non-intrusive way on a daily basis. Coordinate it as you would

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle


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