Ask Amy: Dad may have to choose between wife and child

Dear Amy: I’ve been with my partner for four years. We lived together for two years until his job took him six hours away. We have been maintaining our relationship, long distance.

Our plan has always been for him to move this summer in order to be with me in my career following school. Marriage has been a topic of conversation for several years. In his “ideal world, we would already be married.”

He was on board with our plan to reunite until two weeks before my first day at work. Now, he is hesitant, and possibly not going to move with me for several reasons: his son lives nearby him, and also every time he moves in his career, he has to start over at the bottom.

We talked openly about my job locations and how far away from his son he was willing to live. We decided on an eight-hour distance. My new job is just under eight hours, but now he feels it is too far away.

Amy, he promised and convinced me that he would move when the time came. Although I understand his situation, I feel betrayed.

Two years of long distance has been extremely difficult, and we always looked at this move as the light at the end of the tunnel.

My job is very specialized and would be difficult to maintain in his location.

I want to continue moving forward in our relationship, but I’m scared there may be no future now.

— Scared

Dear Scared: Nothing interferes with our “ideal worlds” quite like children do. Because, once you take on the role of a parent, your child becomes an integral part of your ideal world.

Your best-laid plans are falling apart, in part because this father does not want to live eight hours away from his child. When you first discussed this, it might have seemed doable for him, but two years of living so far away from you might have opened his eyes to the extreme challenges of maintaining a long-distance relationship with his child.

Do you think it’s ideal for a child to have his father live so far away? Are you comfortable having a child engaged in a long-distance relationship with his parent, that has proven to be a huge burden and stress for you (an adult)?

You can choose to feel betrayed, or you can grow up and realize that life is full of imponderables, loss, change and the compromises

Source:: The Denver Post – Lifestyle


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