DEAR CAROLYN: I have been seriously dating my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. I have expressed more than once that I want to be married, and that it is something I value and want in life, and we had a lengthy conversation about it a couple months ago. He always tells me he’s “not ready, but maybe one day,” and says the same thing with having kids.
We’ve had our ups and downs, and lately I feel as though he doesn’t actually want to marry me or make any big commitments. I am almost 30, and don’t want to wait around forever for him to make up his mind. It took about nine months for him to just call me his girlfriend.
Carolyn Hax: I feel guilty for not having more for my son
Carolyn Hax: I’m in my 30s and just found out I’m not an only child
Carolyn Hax: It’s easy to pair up, bolder to live on your own
Carolyn Hax: I want to tell my nephew he was raised by a “fake” dad
Carolyn Hax: Her life is going so well, I tried to ruin it
I’ve also written him notes to fully articulate my feelings without him interjecting, and he doesn’t usually write much back. It is either defensive, or he will say something like “thanks for sharing.” Truly, I don’t know where most of his feelings lie about any of this, and I am being very transparent.
Should I just start to accept that we in fact do not want the same things?
DEAR COMMITAPHOBE: Or accept that even if you do want the same things, you won’t know that because he doesn’t talk to you. Except, apparently, either to interrupt you while you’re trying to talk or to be dismissive of what you take the trouble to write down.
What you describe isn’t the absence of an engagement or of common goals — it’s an absence of intimacy. Intimacy takes two people who are being …
Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle