If you’ve ever witnessed a mom or dad yelling at their child and thought to yourself “What a terrible parent. Don’t they know that yelling isn’t effective?” you’re not alone.
Marianna Franklin* used to be that person, until she had a child of her own. Now, as a single mom by choice, she often finds herself at the end of her rope by the end of the day.
“I work a full-time job at work, and then I work a full-time job at home, and I don’t get any days off,” the 51-year-old Torontonian told HuffPost Canada. She finds she yells most in the evenings when she’s run out of the energy and patience required to enforce bedtime rules for her boundary-testing nine-year-old son.
“I don’t yell at my kid because he’s being bad or acting out or not brushing his teeth fast enough. I’m yelling because I’m exhausted and I’m angry that I’m so tired. I’m yelling because I have reached the absolute end of my rope and I have lost the ability to tap into other strategies,” she said.
“I feel terrible when I yell. Like it’s a failure at parenting.”
Having grown up in a family of introverts who never raised their voices, the concept of yelling was foreign to Franklin until the past couple of years.
“For me, it’s upsetting because I’m a soft spoken person who rarely raises my voice. So for me to raise my voice and yell at my son in anger is a real warning sign that something is wrong.”
Franklin recently reached out to a counsellor for support making changes in order to ensure she won’t end up exhausted and yelling at her son come the end of the day.
It can be a struggle not to react
“Parenting is really hard, and it can take you to places where you’re so frustrated, and you just get so angry,” child and family therapist Jennifer Kolari told HuffPost Canada.
“It doesn’t mean that if you yell at your kid you’ll ruin them for life. You’re going to yell sometimes — you’re a person. But, you want to make sure that it’s not your primary [parenting] method.”
Kolari says parents need to work on responding to their children’s behaviour rather than reacting to it.
Which is exactly what mom of three young boys, Sera Alfadili*, finds herself struggling with on a daily basis.
“I try being patient, and I try distracting the kids. It …
Source:: The Huffington Post – Canada Travel