Intimate relationships are a complicated thing. I often have to remind myself, now 30 years into my relationship, that being in love with my husband is a daily commitment. There are many times in a week where I don’t necessarily feel “in love” with him, and I’m confident that he shares these same feelings of not always having butterflies in his stomach when he looks at me. It has, after all, been three decades!
But what we’ve lost in fireworks and butterflies, we’ve more than made up in connection, comradery, respect and depth. All those “new love” feelings have been replaced with a soulful and deeply committed love. A love that feels more solid, comforting and trustworthy.
This has not always been the case in our marriage. I don’t know where you’re at in your partnership: maybe just married, a couple years or thinking of throwing in the towel because you’re concerned that the love is dead. But, I can assure you, based on my own experience, that if you hold on tight and fight for the love that got you into the relationship in the first place, the depth of connection you receive on the other side of it is worth its weight in gold.
I say this with utter confidence because I’ve been that woman, the one who lost faith in her marriage, who believed it was only going to go “downhill,” and so I left. In the time we were separated, I wandered around the male horizon, looking for a new soulmate. That person who would get me back to that place of lust, the one who “got me,” who desired me and who made life fun, light, exciting and interesting again. I dated many men of all ages, financial brackets and cultural backgrounds. None of them made me feel like my husband did. While I was soul searching, I came to realize that even though our marriage hadn’t been perfect, our shared values, passions and interests were something to hold onto.
During our marriage hiatus, there was one comment that kept playing over in my mind. Our marriage therapist had said, “Hate for a partner is not what signifies the end of a relationship. Not at all. Hatred is not the end, in fact hate is the opposite side of the emotion: love. Without love you cannot be angry, hurt or upset by another person. If you didn’t still love …
Source:: The Huffington Post – Canada Travel