Carolyn Hax: I feel guilty for not having more for my son

shorthax

DEAR CAROLYN: My late husband died when our son was 18 months. We always had the basics, I made sure of that, but we both went without a lot of the extras. My son just started college and his random roommate assignment happens to be a boy whose father also died when he was young. We thought this was random and kind of good, since my son doesn’t know that many people who this happened to.

Last week, my son brought up that his roommate’s college is entirely paid for from life insurance and social security from his father. My husband didn’t have life insurance, and I used most of the social security money for necessities while my son was small.

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My son didn’t say this as an accusation, but just asked me why he doesn’t have that money. I explained that I needed that money for expenses and such. I think he gets it.

His roommate’s mother is a lawyer. I’m sure she was able to give him everything he wanted and banked the social security checks. I’m feeling guilty and defensive about this. What do you think?

Awkward

DEAR AWKWARD: I think it’s totally understandable — but you’re being unfairly tough on yourself. The unthinkable happened before you and your husband purchased life insurance. That’s it. And while I suppose you can beat yourself up for being irresponsible in that one specific way, I wouldn’t even agree with that criticism.

People tend to think about life insurance once they have kids, ergo, most people purchase it after said kids are conceived, right? Therefore anyone — literally, anyone — who thinks that way can get caught

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle

      

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