Carolyn Hax: I’m in my 30s and just found out I’m not an only child

shorthax

DEAR CAROLYN: I’m an only child in my late 30s, the daughter of doting, super-involved, loving parents, but I recently found out a secret.

In doing some genealogical research, I was shocked to learn that my father had a family before marrying my mother, which I knew nothing about. I asked my aunt about it, and she was surprised I was never told about the family. Apparently, he divorced his first wife and, soon after, allowed his two young children to be adopted by his ex-wife’s new husband. And he never saw his children again.

My aunt said my mom was fully aware of all this.

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Being an only child is a big part of my identity, and I’m shocked to learn I have two half-siblings out in the world. As a mom myself, I’m also shocked my dad gave up those children and agreed to never see them again.

I can’t decide whether to confront my parents about this. We’re very close, but I feel like broaching this subject might be painful for them. And a part of me hates to bring that on them. It also feels like none of my business; this previous family had nothing to do with me. But at the same time, I’m extremely curious about it. I kind of want to meet my half-siblings, but I also don’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest.

Only Child No Longer

DEAR ONLY CHILD: R.I.P. the Dark Family Secret: born, beginning of time; died, 2018.

You know, and now we sort-of know, your story. Your parents have a story too — as they always did, obviously. You’ve just learned it’s more complicated than you could possibly have imagined. That alone doesn’t say it’s

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle

      

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