Ask Amy: My boyfriend’s gift of a car got wrecked in the demolition derby

Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)

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DEAR AMY: I’ve been dating a wonderful man, “Don,” for a year.

I am worried that Don is being used by his father, “Don Sr.”

Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)

Don Sr. moved in with him three years ago. In that time frame Don has not only paid for everything, including his father’s bills, but he has also bought four cars for his father. His father has put these cars into demolition derbies, always without asking.

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This year Don Sr. put his only car into the derby, again. After a few fights, everything seemed OK.

Now he needs another vehicle, otherwise he won’t be able to drive to work.

He hasn’t even started to look for a vehicle, and every time Don or I tell him about a car that we saw for sale, he shrugs it off. He is so content with Don handing him everything. He said he doesn’t care if he gets his own car, because he can just drive one of Don’s.

It’s not my place to say anything, and when I do, it usually ends up with Don and me fighting. I’m tired of him being used like this. I don’t want to fight with Don about his father, but what can I do to help?

Out of Place

DEAR OUT OF PLACE: Understand with clarity that this father/son relationship is its own contained system. Things would change if Don Jr. wanted them to change. But the father is a user and the son is an enabler. The son is actually training his father to be completely reliant on him.

I love a demolition

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle

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