At the beginning of a new relationship, you’ll be forgiven for seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses – dreaming about your future together is part and parcel of the honeymoon period.
But once the lustful haze has worn off, you’ll realise your once perfect human being is also prone to their fair share of imperfections. Sorry, guys.
This disconnect between your hopes and reality may be difficult to get your head around, but that doesn’t mean it’s all over.
Social psychology professor, Eli Finkel, from Northwestern University, Illinois, who has just written a new book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage, on the topic, told The Atlantic that in modern relationships we are overly idealistic and expect too much from our partners, which means we can never be truly fulfilled.
“The main change has been that we’ve added, on top of the expectation that we’re going to love and cherish our spouse, the expectation that our spouse will help us grow, help us become a better version of ourselves, a more authentic version of ourselves,” said Finkel.
HuffPost UK asked Relate counsellor Peter Saddington, about this phenomenon, and he says: “Some people do have unrealistically high expectations of their partner, although it’s also common for people to have very low ones. The truth is that no relationship is perfect so setting your expectations too high may lead to a lot of disappointment and heartache.”
He shared six tell-tale signs that you may have your bar set too high.
1. You always idealise other people’s relationships.
They say no one knows what a relationship is like behind closed doors and putting other people’s relationships on a pedestal is a sign that you could be setting yourself up for failure.
Saddington said: “Our parents’ relationship can be a huge influence here – if we think they seemed like the perfect couple, we may set our expectations quite high. We also have a tendency to compare current partners to our exes.
“If our ex was a brilliant cook or was very affectionate for example, we may expect the same from our new partner, but it’s important to remember that everyone is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses.”
2. You compare your relationship to fiction.
We can all fall guilty of lusting after a knight in shining armour (especially when Disney makes them seem so damn appealing), but we need to embrace our partner entirely …
Source:: The Huffington Post – UK Lifestyle