We know the statistic: four out of 10 Canadian first marriages end in divorce (as per the 2006 census — in 2011, Statistics Canada announced they will no longer collect numbers on the country’s annual divorce rates). Not only that, but there are also more unmarried Canadians than legally married people age 15 and over than ever.
As the divorce rate rises (it’s down from its peak of about 41 per cent in the mid ’80s but a bit higher than the rate of 37 per cent in the mid-’90s), relationship experts continue to try to figure out why so many marriages fail. And according to one social psychology professor, it might be as simple as expecting too much from our partner.
The Independent reports that Eli Finkel, a teacher at Northwestern University in Illinois, believes that we’re too idealistic and that we should have realistic expectations of our partners if we want to feel fulfilled and happy.
Finkel spoke to The Atlantic about his new book, The All-Of-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, and explained that our perception of marriage has changed in recent years, making us demand more from our partners than we would have a couple of decades ago.
“The idea of the book is that the changing nature of our expectations of marriage have made more marriages fall short of expectations, and therefore disappoint us,” Finkel said.
Although we already assume our spouses will love us through sickness and in health, modern day partners also assume that our spouses will help us grow as individuals, expecting them to be everything to us.
“The main change [in marriages] has been that we’ve added, on top of the expectation that we’re going to love and cherish our spouse, the expectation that our spouse will help us grow, help us become a better version of ourselves, a more authentic version of ourselves,” Finkel told the magazine.
The main change [in marriages] has been that we’ve added… the expectation that our spouse will help us grow, help us become a better version of ourselves, a more authentic version of ourselves.
And that’s where it gets tricky.
As we rely on our partners to make us feel attractive, competent, successful, and fulfilled, we end up putting too much pressure on the relationship, which is where it can break down.
“I think most of us will be …
Source:: The Huffington Post – Canada Travel