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DEAR CAROLYN: My friend is getting married. It started with the idea of having a small ceremony in the park, going to her place afterward for dinner. Later we would put our children to bed under a baby-sitter’s care and go out to a club to dance.
Then it changed into something bigger — rustic setting with bridesmaids but still a bit casual. Now it has blown into a big fancy place with matching outfits for bridesmaids. All seven bridesmaids have families with kids and are now required to have the same color dresses and professional makeup.
My family is on one income and the expenses come up to over $1,000. How can I get out of it without hurting her feelings or breaking my bank (or robbing a bank)?
DEAR M.: People talk about “wedding markup” mostly with respect to vendors.
Carolyn Hax: He skipped my big event for a Netflix binge, and I’m done with him
Carolyn Hax: Bride demands control over photos taken by guests
Carolyn Hax: He thinks he loves me and he won’t go away
Carolyn Hax: I can’t stand seeing these kids win awards when mine doesn’t
Carolyn Hax: Is our twins’ birthday party tacky?
But the more significant wedding markup might apply to the emotions surrounding them.
What you describe here is a simple, factual case of being priced out of something. “I could afford the original version of [blank], but now with all the changes, it’s too expensive for me.”
Maybe saying this wouldn’t be the most fun you’ve had all summer, but you’d still probably have no trouble saying it if [blank] were, say, a day trip to another city.
That [blank] is a wedding inflates it to a matter of fear, dread, guilt and hurt feelings.
You can, though, choose to deflate your part of it, and deliberately treat it as a …
Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle