Einstein Bros.’s Espresso Buzz Bagel isn’t the caffeine jolt you’re looking for

By Tim Carman, The Washington Post

Perfect for the busy professional who wants coffee and a bagel on the drive to work, without the usual worry of drink drippage, Einstein Bros. has introduced the Espresso Buzz Bagel. It’s a soft, brooding round, as dark as pumpernickel, that contains 32 milligrams of caffeine.

You’ll need to eat about five of these bloated rounds to equal the caffeine content of a single two-ounce pull of Starbucks’ espresso. Good luck with that, and don’t forget what cookbook author Michael Ruhlman recently wrote for The Washington Post: Refined grains can be as hard on your body as sugar.

I’m trying to imagine the meeting between Einstein Bros. test-kitchen chefs and the executives who ultimately greenlighted the Espresso Buzz Bagel:

Chef: We’ve developed a bagel that will make your morning coffee obsolete!

Executive: I like coffee.

Chef: Of course. We all like coffee. But who has time for it anymore? Plus, when you’re driving, how many times have you spilled coffee on your freshly laundered white shirt?

Executive: I never drink coffee and drive.

Chef, getting nervous: That’s smart. Really smart. But America is not as disciplined as you, and they’re lazy. They can’t drive to the grocery store without checking their Facebook app 10 times and uploading two photos to Instagram while sucking down a grande coffee from Starbucks. This bagel will help American consumers save millions on dry-cleaning bills.

Executive: Sold.

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Einstein Bros. launched the caffeinated round just ahead of National Nurses Week, so that on May 11, the company could give every nurse an “Espresso Buzz Bagel and shmear to jump-start their day or give them a boost after a long night on the job.” No doubt a stack of the caffeinated bagels has replaced the coffee machine in every emergency room across the country.

Actually, the Espresso Buzz Bagel is just the latest way to inject caffeine into your system. For those who don’t like the bitterness of coffee or don’t have the patience to steep their own tea, companies have developed countless products to get their blood pumping with caffeine. There are soft drinks, of course, but there are also caffeinated bracelets, soap, gum, toothpaste, bottled water, hot sauce and face wipes, to name a few. Personally, I’m holding out for a caffeinated

Source:: The Denver Post – Lifestyle

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