The wise Kanye West once asked, “Real friends, how many of us? How many of us, how many jealous?” Good question, Yeezy. We all have friendships, and some are better than others. But oftentimes, we hold on to our friends because it’s a lot easier than breaking up and finding new ones.
Why do we do this? Is it because having lame friends is better than having no friends? Or because breaking up with friends is awkward and we want to avoid that? Probably all of the above and then some, explains Andrea Bonior, PhD, LCP, author of The Friendship Fix. Most importantly, she said it doesn’t make you a horrible person if you do this.
“It’s too easy to just hoard friendships, because friends aren’t monogamous, so you don’t have to dump someone,” Dr. Bonior says. Cycling through your friends on Facebook (the ones from high school, the ones from summer camp, the ones who are friends with that person you were seeing) and doing a KonMari-like cleanse is easy enough, but trying to explain to a friend face-to-face why you don’t want to hang out with them anymore can be very hard and uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Figuring out how to handle a particular situation is often a matter of deciding what the expectations and end goal of that friendship is; maybe it’s just keeping in touch on a surface-level, or maybe it’s about setting certain kinds of boundaries. You also have to think about whether or not you like yourself when you’re with them, Dr. Bonior says. “Friends can bring out bad stuff for you, and make you competitive, snarky, materialistic, judgmental, or lazy,” she says. “The more time you spend with that person, if you’re not who you want to be, you won’t …read more
Source:: Usaonlinepress – Culture